shallow

th a notion of guilt, wondering if I did the right thing. It was a state of being alone, needing a rescue or maybe a call for help. Breathing heavily, I satdown; my window overlooked the pale greenfields. Children were playing, smiling and happy.Why couldn’t I join them? Why can’t I be part oftheir happiness? As I contemplated my desires ofenjoyment, a door suddenly opens; there she was,the most beautiful person in my world, a person to look up to, a savior, my mother.
What’s wrong, why are you so desperately sad?”
she said. This hit me hard as I couldn’t understand if she was asking me to be sad or if she wants me to have a problem. “Nothing mother, I am just sitting. I want to sit, I think I should sit, or maybe, no, yes, actually yes. I want to sit, it makes me feel better.” Confused by my own words, I couldn’t understand if I should be angry, knowing how moodyI am. I am scared really. I want help, but I couldn’t ask for it.