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MAN AND WIVES.

A TRAVESTY.

By MOSE SKINNER,

CHAPTER SIXTH.

ANN'S RECEPTION.

The next morning, as ANN was eating breakfast, who should drive up in a covered wagon but the Hon. MICHAEL.

"Just as I expected," said she. "They've found out where I am, and they'll come out here and try to pump me about it. But I don't envy 'em their job. Come in," she added, in answer to the Hon. MICHAEL'S somewhat timid knock.

"How'd'do, ANN," said he. "Sister-in-law said you was here, and I thought I'd come over and see you. Besides," he continued, in evident embarrassment, "there's one or two things I thought you'd like to know."

"Well?" said she, as he paused. "Out with it, old fellow. Don't be bashful."

"Oh! I ain't," he replied, rubbing his knees nervously. "Well, in the fust place, the old lady is awfully down on you, says you've disgraced the family, and she disowns you, and all that sort of humbug, but I shet her up by telling her that whatever she said agin you, she said agin me." He looked at ANN admiringly, and, taking from his pocket a large package of red and white candy, handed it to her. Then he turned very red in the face, looked hard at the ceiling, and repeated Mrs. LADLE'S message all over again.

"First thing, told," said he.

It was plain to ANN that he had really come with the intention of making love to her, but was anxious to find how the land lay first. But she didn't give him any encouragement. Under existing circumstances, she didn't think 'twould be right.

"Well," said she, "anything else?"

"Oh yes, I believe so,—ah—BELINDA sends love, and is jest about crazy to see you, and hear all about it. Shouldn't wonder a bit if she was over here afore the day's over."

He moved his chair nearer hers, glanced at her furtively, and sighed deeply.

"Second thing, told," said he.

"Well, I'm much obliged to you. Items of gossip are victuals and drink to our sex, you know. Don't be in a hurry," she continued, seeing that he showed no signs of going. "Looking for your hat? Yes, here it is. Let me put it on for you," she added in her gentle, winning way. "Good-by. To think," she added, looking after him, "that the old pill should get spoony on me!"

Sure enough, in the afternoon up drove BELINDA.

"Awful glad to see you, ANN dear," said she, kissing her. "I'm dying to know all about it. As soon as I found out where you were, I rushed out and hitched up the old mare myself. But I knew she'd never go so far from home without an object in view to urge her. So I fastened a bag of oats in front of her head. Didn't she just streak it? The idea of her chasing them oats five miles before she caught 'em! She's out there now eating 'em, propped up by a couple of fence-rails. But tell me, quick, are you really married, as you said you'd be in that letter you left on my wash-stand?"

"Yes, I am," replied ANN.

"Where's your husband? Who is he? Do tell me all about it. Does he look like anybody I know?"

"Well, I should say he did." answered ANN, grinning. "You see it's a sort of a joke, BELINDA. You wouldn't see the point now, half as well as you will after you're married to ARCHIBALD. Then I'll tell you. Oh, it's too rich!" And she laughed immoderately.

"Oh, I can't wait. Tell me now. If you will, I'll give you my new piqué and that bracelet. Come, why can't you?"

"Because I don't choose to," replied ANN coolly.

"Seems to me you're mighty short about it anyhow. Putting on airs, ain't you, because you got married before I did?"

"Well, you needn't think nobody can get a fellow but you. Pooh, I could cut you out, any time."

"Oh, you could, could you?" returned BELINDA in high disdain. "Perhaps you'd better try it on, with them freckles and that mole. I don't think your husband, whoever he is, can brag much of his taste in the female line. I'm sure I don't want to see him, so you can keep him locked up, you jealous thing. It's some old rowdy, I s'pose, that nobody else would look at. I hate you, and always did. Don't never come near me. There!" And she left in high dudgeon.

As she drove off, ANN stood by the window watching her. She soliloquized, "So you think, Miss BELINDA, do you, 'that I'd better try it on, with them freckles and that mole!' I think I have tried it on, and pretty effectually too. Just wait till you're married to BLINKSOP, that's all."

By dark she began to look impatiently for TEDDY, for she felt sure he'd find JEFFRY somewhere. It was nine o'clock, however, before he made his appearance.

"Did you find him?" she inquired eagerly.

"I did, mum, sure, and a hard pull I had of it. I beat the whole town through, and at last I found him a rollin' bowly alleys, and I giv him your letther. Sich dreadful swears as he giv, mum, a walkin' up and down an' a crushing his fingers like, and a bitin' his teeth together, and then he stops in front of me, and says in an awful theatur voice, 'Tell her,' says he, 'that I'll come,' and he giv me a kick, mum, as boosted me clear to the sidewalk, and I see plainly as he had more remarks of that same kind to deliver, and I edged off at about five miles an hour. Goodnight to ye, mum."

ANN slept calmly and sweetly that night, for the one cherished idea of her innocent girlhood was about to be consummated, and she smiled in her sleep and thought she saw her mother.

JEFFRY MAULBOY kept his word. He was there at noon of the next day. And the minister that was to marry them, and the lawyer that was to divorce them, were there also.

At one o'clock they were man and wife, sworn to love, honor, and obey each other till death did them part. At a quarter of two o'clock they were man and woman, sworn to love, honor, and obey anybody they wanted to, for a divorce did them part. And they went their separate ways.

CHAPTER SEVENTH.

WHERE IS ANN?

BELINDA returned from the Half-Way House, firmly determined to find out all about that affair of ANN'S. Any woman would naturally feel curious about it, and BELINDA really cannot be blamed for showing a little feeling. "To think." said she, "after all my bragging that I'd be married first, and the times I've twitted her of being too homely to get a beau, that she should step out and get married right under my very nose, and I not know anything about it, or even who she's married. Oh, it's too much. But I'll find out, if I die for it, and if there is anything about it that ain't straight, won't I crow over her?"

The Hon. MICHAEL was