exactly at the Diasian  festival! I was roasting a
     haggis for my kinsfolk, and through neglect I did not
     cut it open; but it became inflated and then suddenly
     bursting, befouled my eyes and burned my face.

     Cho. O mortal, who hast desired great wisdom from us!
     How happy will you become among the Athenians and among
     the Greeks, if you be possessed of a good memory, and be
     a deep thinker, and endurance of labour be implanted in
     your soul, and you be not wearied either by standing or
     walking, nor be exceedingly vexed at shivering with
     cold, nor long to break your fast, and you refrain from
     wine, and gymnastics, and the other follies, and
     consider this the highest excellence, as is proper a
     clever man should, to conquer by action and counsel, and
     by battling with your tongue.

     Strep. As far as regards a sturdy spirit, and care that
     makes one's bed uneasy, and a frugal spirit and
     hard-living and savory-eating belly, be of good courage
     and don't trouble yourself; I would offer myself to
     hammer on, for that matter.

     Soc. Will you not, pray, now believe in no god, except
     what we believe in—this Chaos, and the Clouds, and the
     Tongue—these three?

     Strep. Absolutely I would not even converse with the
     others, not even if I met them; nor would I sacrifice to
     them, nor make libations,  nor offer frankincense.

     Cho. Tell us then boldly, what we must do for you? For
     you shall not fail in getting it, if you honour and
     admire us, and seek to become clever.

     Strep. O mistresses, I request of you then this very
     small favour, that I be the best of the Greeks in
     speaking by a hundred stadia.

     Cho. Well, you shall have this from us, so that
     hence-forward from this time no one shall get more
     opinions passed in the public assemblies than you.

     Strep. Grant me not to deliver important opinions; for I
     do not desire these, but only to pervert the right for
     my own advantage, and to evade my creditors.

     Cho. Then you shall obtain what you desire; for you do
     not covet great things. But commit yourself without fear
     to our ministers.

     Strep. I will do so in reliance upon you, for necessity
     oppresses me, on account of the blood-horses, and the
     marriage that ruined me. Now, therefore, let them use me
     as they please. I give up this body to them to be
     beaten, to be hungered, to be troubled with thirst, to
     be squalid, to shiver with cold, to flay into a leathern
     bottle, if I shall escape clear from my debts, and
     appear to men to be bold, glib of tongue, audacious,
     impudent, shameless, a fabricator of falsehoods,
     inventive of words, a practiced knave in lawsuits, a
     law-tablet, a thorough rattle, a fox, a sharper, a
     slippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, an
     impostor, a gallows-bird, a blackguard, a twister, a
     troublesome fellow, a licker-up of hashes. If they call
     me this, when they meet me, let them do to me absolutely
     what they please. And if they like, by Ceres, let them
     serve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers.

     Cho. This man has a spirit not void of courage, but
     prompt. Know, that if you learn these matters from me,
     you will possess among mortals a glory as high as
     heaven.

     Strep. What shall I experience?

     Cho. You shall pass with me the most enviable of mortal
     lives the whole time.

     Strep. Shall I then ever see this?

     Cho. Yea, so that many be always seated at your gates,
     wishing to communicate with you and come to a conference
     with you, to consult with you as to actions and
     affidavits of many talents, as is worthy of your
     abilities.

     [To Socrates.]

     But attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever you
     purpose, and scrutinize his intellect, and make trial of
     his mind.

     Soc. Come now, tell me your own turn of mind; in order
     that, when I know of what sort it is, I may now, after
     this, apply to you new engines.

     Strep. What? By the gods, do you purpose to besiege me?

     Soc. No; I wish to briefly learn from you if you are
     possessed of a good memory.

     Strep. In two ways, by Jove! If anything be owing to me,
     I have a very good memory; but if I owe unhappy man, I
     am very forgetful.

     Soc. Is the power of speaking, pray, implanted in your
     nature?

     Strep. Speaking is not in me, but cheating is.

     Soc. How, then, will you be able to learn?

     Strep. Excellently, of course.

     Soc. Come, then, take care that, whenever I propound any
     clever dogma about abstruse matters, you catch it up
     immediately.

     Strep. What then? Am I to feed upon wisdom like a dog?

     Soc. This man is ignorant and brutish—I fear, old man,
     lest you will need blows. Come, let me see; what do you
     do if any one beat you?

     Strep. I take the beating; and then, when I have waited
     a little while, I call witnesses to prove it; then
     again, after a short interval, I go to law.

     Soc. Come, then, lay down your cloak.

     Strep. Have I done any wrong?

     Soc. No; but it is the rule to enter naked.

     Strep. But I do not enter to search for stolen goods.

     Soc. Lay it down. Why do you talk nonsense?

     Strep. Now tell me this, pray. If I be diligent and
     learn zealously, to which of your disciples shall I
     become like?

     Soc. You will no way differ from Chaerephon in
     intellect.

     Strep. Ah me, unhappy! I shall become half-dead.

     Soc. Don't chatter; but quickly follow me hither with
     smartness.

     Strep. Then give me first into my hands a honeyed cake;
     for I am afraid of descending within, as if into the
     cave of Trophonius.

     Soc. Proceed; why do you keep poking about the door?

     [Exeunt Socrates and Strepsiades]

     Cho. Well, go in peace, for the sake of this your
     valour. May prosperity attend the man, because, being
     advanced into the vale of years, he imbues his intellect
     with modern subjects, and cultivates wisdom!

     [Turning to the audience.]

     Spectators, I will freely declare to you the truth, by
     Bacchus, who nurtured me! So may I conquer, and be
     accounted skillful, as that, deeming you to be clever
     spectators, and this to be the cleverest of my comedies,
     I thought proper to let you first taste that comedy,
     which gave me the greatest labour. And then I retired
     from the contest defeated by vulgar fellows, though I
     did not deserve it. These things, therefore, I object to
     you, a learned audience, for whose sake I was expending
     this labour. But not even thus will I ever willingly
     desert the discerning portion of you. For since what
     time my Modest Man and my