Rule.

1. Put off till to-morrow the dun who won't be done to-day.

2. When another would trouble you for a trifle, never trouble yourself.

3. Spend your money before you have it; and when you have it, spend it again, for by so doing you enjoy your means twice, instead of only once.

4. You have only to do a creditor willingly, and he will never be troublesome.

The True Test.— First Screever (stopping before a pastel in a picture dealer's window). "Ullo 'Erbert, look 'ere! Chalks!"

Second Screever. "Ah, very tricky, I dessay. But you set that chap on the pivement alongside o' you an' me, to dror 'arf a salmon an' a nempty 'at, an' where 'ud 'e be?"

First Screever. "Ah!"

    [Exeunt ambo.

Musical News (Noose).—We perceive from a foreign paper that a criminal who has been imprisoned for a considerable period at Presburg has acquired a complete mastery over the violin. It has been announced that he will shortly make an appearance in public. Doubtless, his performance will be a solo on one string.

Sporting Prophet (playing billiards). Marker, here's the tip off this cue as usual.

Marker. Yes, sir. Better give us one of your "tips," sir, as they never come off.

Art Dogma.—An artist's wife never admires her husband's work so much as when he is drawing her a cheque.

The United Effort of Six Royal Academicians.—What colour is it that contains several? An umber (a number).

Mem. at Burlington House.—A picture may be "capitally executed" without of necessity being "well hung." And vice versâ.

Excelsior!

She. "I didn't know you were a musician, Herr Müller."

He. "A musician? Ach, no—Gott vorpit! I am a Wagnerian!"

An Author's Cry of Agony

(Wrung from him by the repeated calls of the printer's boy)

"Oh! that devils' visits were, like angels', 'few and far between!'"

Riddles by a Wretch.

Q. What is the difference between a surgeon and a wizard?

A. The one is a cupper and the other is a sorcerer.

Q. Why is America like the act of reflection?

A. Because it is a roomy-nation.

Q. Why is your pretty cousin like an alabaster vase?

A. Because she is an objet de looks.

Q. How is it that a man born in Truro can never be an Irishman?

A. Because he always is a true-Roman.

Q. Why is my game cock like a bishop?

A. Because he has his crows here (crozier).

COUPLET BY A