FROM Pimlico to Central Park, From Timbuctoo to Rotten Row, Who has not heard of Joan of Arc, His tragic tale who does not know? And how he put his life to stake, For Principle and Country's sake?
This simple person of Lorraine Had thoughts for nothing but Romance, And longed to see a king again Upon the battered throne of France; (With Charles the Seventh crowned at Rheims, He realized his fondest dreams.)
Then came the fight at Compiègne, Where he was captured by the foe, And lots of vulgar foreign men Caught hold and wouldn't let him go. "Please don't!" he begged them, in despair, "You're disarranging all my hair."
Unmoved by grace of form or face, These brutes, whose hearts were quite opaque, At Rouen, in the market-place, Secured him tightly to a stake; (Behaviour which cannot be viewed As other than extremely rude.)
Poor Joan of Arc, of course, was bound To be the centre of the show, When, having piled the faggots round, They lit him up and let him go. (Which surely strikes the modern mind As thoughtless, not to say unkind.)
But tho' he died, his deathless name In Hist'ry holds a noble place, And brings the blush of conscious shame To any Anglo-Saxon face. Perfidious truly was the nation Which caused his premature cremation!
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I showed these verses to a friend, Inviting him to criticise; He read them slowly to the end, Then asked me, with a mild surprise, "What was your object," he began, "In making Joan of Arc a man?"
I hastened to the library Which kind Carnegie gave the town, Searched Section B. (Biography.) And took six bulky volumes down; Then studied all one livelong night, And found (alas!) my friend was right.
I'm sorry; for it gives me pain To think of such a waste of rhyme. I'd write the poem all again, Only I can't afford the time; It's rather late to change it now,— I can't be bothered anyhow.
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