Hickory-nuts
His conscience was always repairing itself
His estimation of his own work was always unsafe
Honor is a harder master than the law
How poor we are to-day!
Human being needs to revise his ideas again about God
Humor should take its outings in grave company
I am tired & old; I wish I were with Livy
I am tired wanting for that man to get old
I would not call her back if I could
I could a staid if I'd a wanted to, but I didn't want to
I have never greatly envied any one but the dead
I am as one who wanders and has lost his way
I hope his uncle's funeral will be a failure!
If loyalty to party is a form of patriotism, I am no patriot
If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times
Immensely but unintelligently interested
Impatient as the Creator doubtless was to see man
Impromptu speech
Incite public favorites to dangerous ambitions
Income equal to that then earned by the Vice-President of the US
Infamous doctrine of allegiance to party
It was his habit to grow fond of his surroundings
It cannot be safe for a man at my time of life to laugh so much
Jane Austen's books
Jealousy
Jester, who for forty years had been making the world laugh
Jim Wolfe and the cats
Josh Billings
Just say the report of my death has been grossly exaggerated
Kissed each other, something hitherto unknown
Know so much that isn't so
Last and best of life for which the first was made
Learned the meaning of grief
Lecky
Lecky's History of European Morals
Less than a cent an acre
Letter on inadvertant theft on a visit to friends
Letter written in a passion is a mistake
Letters of Madame de Sevigne
Letters from the Earth
Liberty, justice, humanity
Life and death that made its beginning there
Life is a game of whist.
Life is too long and too short.
Likely to write not wisely but too much
Livy, if it comforts you to lean on the Christian faith do so!
Looks like a good deal of trouble for such a small result
Loss of one whose memory is the only thing I worship
Loved him all my life, and I'll love him till I die
Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain
Ma likes funerals
Machine that is as unreliable as he is would have no market
Make other men not fit to die, but fit to live
Man is the only animal that blushes, or that needs to
Man who isn't a pessimist is a d—-d fool
Man who has that eye doesn't need to go armed
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired
Man the irresponsible Machine
Many things had been discussed and put away for good
Mark Twain Scrap-Book
Marriages are what the parties to them alone really know
Massacre of Jews in Moscow
Mendicancy
Mental healing
Mind, if this is going to be too much trouble to you
"Modest" Club
Museum of Natural History
My advice is not to raise the flag
Neither the refinement nor the weakness of a college education
Never affiliate with inferiors; always climb
Never a throne which did not represent a crime
No general fondness for poetry; but many poems appealed to him
Nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble
Not Mark Twain's habit to strive for humor
Nothing that glitters is gold
Nothing but almost inspired lying got me out of this scrape
Nothing is ever at rest—wood, iron, water, everything is alive
Number of things I can remember that aren't so."
October th was a perfect wedding-day
Oh, it is such a mystery, and it takes so long
One could lose a dog in this bed
Only dead men can tell the truth in this world
Only a human being, he said, could have done these things
Only by resisting temptation that men grow strong
Operas
Optimism
Optimist
Ornament of a house is the friends that frequent it
Our alphabet is pure insanity
Out of the window, and I carried the sash along with me.
Oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a man
Party have somehow got a mortgage on his soul,
Patriotism that proposed to keep the Stars and Stripes clean
People religiously and otherwise insane
Perfect air of not knowing it to be humorous
Pessimist
Pier
Political conscience into somebody else's keeping
Poorest, clumsiest excuse of all the creatures
Potter's "English violet" order of design
Praise, but not of an intemperate sort
Praises to whatever seemed genuine
Prepared and memorized a very good speech but had forgotten it
Preserve your illusions
Pretty soon we shall have been dead a hundred years
Previous-engagement plea
Proceeded from unreasoned selfishness to reasoned selfishness
Pronounced Mrs. Clemens free from any organic ills
Put all your eggs into one basket—and watch that basket
Rain falls upon the just and the unjust alike
Reached the grandfather stage of life without grandchildren
Read not so many books, but read a few books often
Ready acknowledgment of shortcoming
Recognize myself
Refused ten thousand dollars for a tobacco indorsement
Religion
Resenting, even when most amused by it, extravagance and burles
Revelation of injustice and hypocrisy
Ridicule to the things considered sham
Rubaiyat
Ruling public and political aristocracy
Sad tolerance of age
Saint-Saens
Seeing them in print was a joy
Seek companionship among men of superior intellect and character
Selfishness
Seventy, the scriptural limitation of life
Shall we ever laugh again?
Ship ahoy! What ship is that? And whence and whither?
Sick were made well, and the well made better
Sketches which every artist has, turned face to the wall
Slave that is proud that he is a slave
Smoked constantly, loathed exercise
Some folks mistake vivacity for wit
Style that is not a style at all but the very absence of it
Subcutaneous injection of brandy saved her
Suetonius and Carlyle lay on the bed beside him
Swayed by every passing emotion and influence
Symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax
Tannhauser
Tarkington
Teaspoonful of brains
Teeth
Telling the truth's the funniest joke in the world
Temperament is the man
Terrible death to be talked to death
"The country home I need," he said, fiercely, "is a cemetery."
The Great Law
The rest is silence
The Derelict
The second advent
The war prayer
The mysterious chamber
The international lightning trust
There is that about the sun which makes us forget his spots
There is no such thing as a new idea
There is not much choice between a removal & a funeral
They have forgotten how to rest
They fought, that a mother might own her child
This view beggars all admiration
This race's God I mean—their own pet invention.
Threescore years and ten!
Titanic
To My Missionary Critics
To the Person Sitting in Darkness
Trinity
True Story
Turn hell's back yard into a playground
Twain did not remember ever having seen or heard his father laugh
Under dog in the fight
Unerring faculty for making business mistakes
Unitarianism is a featherbed to catch falling Christians
Unsent Letters
Voluntarily retired from the service
War Prayer
Was the World Made for Man
Ways and means were not always considered
We are always too busy for our children
We have no real morals, but only artificial ones
We live to learn
Well, it 'most kills me, but it pays
Western humor
What is biography? Unadorned romance
What is Man